Are You An Engineer or Shepherd Parent When It Comes To Your Child’s Sports?
In the world of youth sports, parents are often concerned about their child's ability to play sports. Unfortunately, parent groups are trending towards more parents being pressured to compete with their peers, through their children on the sports field, leading to much division and controversy around "the game". This is the underlying concern in today’s parent behaviour at sporting events.
Much of the parent’s effort to resolve their concern and meet the demands of peer pressure is channeled into finding ways to improve their child's performance on the field, including investing much financial resources into specialized training, constantly critiquing their child’s gameplay performance or challenging the coaching staff on skill development methods and playing time. Most notable are verbal assaults on officials for their part in penalizing their child in order to rationalize their child’s mistakes and shift ownership for such. Adultization, or parents promoting their agenda, has arguably caused a decline within the culture of youth sports.
Often the one person that is not consulted in the process is their own child! How many of us know what our children really want or can do? How do our children feel about playing a sport that they may not have been born to play? Or how they feel about the way their parents communicate their expectations or act in their presence, particularly during a game? Many parents fail to recognize the impact that their behavior can have on their son or daughter and how that can affect their ability to perform as a team member or even enjoy playing the sport itself. Some parents are guilty of strategizing next steps based purely on what they want for their children rather than what their children wants for themselves. Other parents may express frustration when their children do not live up to their expectations which can often lead to further resentment on the part of the child.
Being involved in sport for a child it can be a very rewarding experience especially if it is a loving and nurturing relationship where they feel loved and accepted unconditionally no matter how they play on any given day. However, if a child feels that he or she has been forced into doing something that is not in their DNA or it seems unnatural to them to do at this point or it does not align with their parent’s expectations, it can have a devastating impact on both the child's emotional well-being as well as their physical health.
Many young athletes have gone on to experience tremendous hardships both on and off the field due to parents' attempts to engineer their child in a way they were once when they played that sports or the way they wish their child could play child at this moment (particularly if they compare their child's performance to that of their peers). If this “player-manager’ relationship continues, at some point their child will lose the love and passion for the sport and subsequently disengage or quit and miss out on all the physical, social and mental health benefits.
Research has shown that a child has many different genetic traits other than what they inherent from their parents, which is why it is so important to let children discover and develop their talents on their own. That’s not to say parents should be totally hands off but instead, should encourage their children to play whatever sport they are passionate about and allow the talent of each child to develop naturally in its own way. There is nothing wrong with being part of a child sports journey provided it is in a way that involves guiding them in the right direction rather than pushing them into something that they may not want to do or worse, imposing desires onto them.
It is important that parents take the approach of shepherding their children by equipping them with the knowledge they need to know to make healthy, safe, and reasonable choices. It may take several attempts to help them find a sport that they love to where they can begin to thrive through their OWN efforts and learn new life skills such as teamwork, self-confidence, self-discipline, physical fitness and a sense of community.
The benefits of allowing a child to explore their own pathways and discover their natural talents in sports will be more far reaching than if they were pushed on a pathway created for them by a parent.
In order for a parent to be knowledgeable and guide their children towards sports, they should be aware of the quality of potential sports organizations in advance and not just take it for granted that all are good. Sports organizations that equip their leaders with the training and resources to build strong and healthy playing environments focusing primarily on the age-appropriate development of players, over one that of one that fosters a culture solely on winning-at-all-costs, would be a more appropriate sports organization for a child to learn and grow. Good sports leaders ensure that every player is given equal opportunity to learn and improve, regardless of their ability, and helps THEM discover their abilities while nurturing that growth. When the culture is intentionally created on values and encouraging, players tend to set self goals and work toward achieving them with a positive and enthusiastic attitude. Under such an organization, a parent should then only have to reinforce their child’s effort and behaviour to truly enjoy their sports journey.
When players, parents, and sports organizations collectively come together for a greater good than the sport itself, “wins” are measured by a child’s continued engagement and self improvement and not just by the game’s scorecard. When sports is DONE RIGHT the life lessons learned by a child at the end of their sports "career” are invaluable and will continue to serve them throughout their lives. Parents then need not concern themselves about keeping up with their peers instead focusing on being more patience and allowing time for their child to develop and grow through sports under the good leadership of the quality sports organization.
